You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
