dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
