my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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