What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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