she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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