Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
