I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
