i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I need water and some morals
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
