why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
