How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
