I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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