I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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