happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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