Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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