Buhtt sex?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
