I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
