Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
