My first STD was from a foam party
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can you bring me the toilet please
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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