I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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