Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
