Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
