GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
