Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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