Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
