Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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