i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
These tits shall not be calmed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
