sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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