I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
