Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
