I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just invented taco cereal.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
