Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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