i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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