its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
