how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
