College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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