What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
