So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
