Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
