we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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