you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I love you. Go after that dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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