I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
