The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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