Whod you bang
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
