I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
