i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
