It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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