Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
