I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
