Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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