Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
