I'm jealous of your bromance
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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