What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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